Troll Flu

It isn't as if there aren't notices posted all over the university and town, in the library and in Duke Humfreys. But on Saturday when I came back to DH from coffee this Troll had sat himself down at 'my' table in an otherwise empty library; anyone who has watched recent episodes of "Merlin" will know exactly what I'm talking about by using this noun: the hulking hunch, the medusa hair, snuffling, schnurking, sneezing, coughing, grunting, belching, clearly in the early and most contagious stages of flu.

Of course it was too late. He had already sprayed all over my books and computer. I remonstrated with him. He swayed his head back and forth, and as if it had only just registered, after I had gone back to my task of packing up, jumped up in slow motion and backed defensively against the balcony support with limp paws waving ineffectually in front of his chest, then sat down again, schnarshing over his manuscript and everything else. I left, went home, showered in Dettol, knowing there was no escape.

On Monday I felt fine until suddenly mid-morning in the library it hit me from nowhere like a swinging gantry; I barely made it out of DH to the bathroom, narrowly avoiding the most appalling humiliation I can imagine. I crawled home to bed. The worst was not the pulling of both ends against the middle, the delirium, the chills, fever and muscle pain, it was the ground glass in every joint from neck to small toe.

I don't normally detail my physical woes, but I want to make the point that IF YOU FEEL SICK STAY HOME.